Do I matter?


I want to matter. I want to be desired. I want to feel special. I want to be missed and thought of often. I want a simple scent or place to bring a smile to someone’s face and for them to think of me. I want to be yearned for and to give someone butterflies. I want to be supported. I want to be protected. I want to be encouraged. I want to make someone laugh and feel better about themselves when I’m around. I want to be a partner in the biggest philosophical pilgrimage that could bring ultimate joy to a person’s life. I want my life to matter. I want my last breath to matter. I want my passing to break someone’s heart and yet give them strength to keep moving forward. I want my actions to swaddle and caress, not burn and torment. I want someone to care. I want to not settle on not becoming the most important person in someone’s life. I want to feel safe. I want to matter.


So, why do I matter?



Writers Everywhere…Camila This Is For You.


I’m pretty sure I read something similar to this list before on Camila’s blog, but I can’t recall where. She’ll find it if it bugs her enough. Details are her weakness. She MUST know! 

1) So you’re still writing your little book/poem/etc?

Yes. It’s a HELL of a lot more interesting than looking at your face! Ehem, I mean… >.> Writing is stressful but also stress relieving. It helps channel our minds into a more productive and beneficial way so we don’t go homicidal. Or the fact that fantasy is just more interesting some days than reality.  Seriously. O.k, only sometimes. Truth is if we are still working on something for more than a week, chances are it has blossomed and become our baby, therefore we will work tediously night and day (mostly at night when it’s quiet) to help it grow. Not to mention we become perfectionists. So two years later if I’m STILL working on a rewrite, buzz off. 

2) Must be nice not having a real job.

Speaking for myself, I have a ‘day job.’ For those of you who have extra time (if they like it or not) to work on their book, kudos! Guess what, people who say the above are just jealous. I am not saying that as a comeback to make you feel better because it is the God’s honest truth. People who say the above are working miserable day jobs that they refer to as ‘real jobs’ to pay the rent but they get nothing out of it besides that. Writing is something we enjoy as creative people and if we actually can bank a paycheck from it, you think we are ever going to go back to the customer service position of getting screamed at? The moment I get there, I will flip out on the next person who calls me names and quit triumphantly.



Even if not as successful as one would like, working at something you love is far better than living in eternal misery.

3) Writing doesn’t sound too difficult.

Oh no? Did you just pass kindergarten finger painting and come up with that conclusion all on your own? Bravo! English language in general is a nightmare. Maybe coming up with a story is easy for some but there’s consistencies you have to keep an eye on. I’d like to think those who are serious about the profession want things to make sense in whatever reality their story takes place in. Also, I know no one is perfect and typos happen but I would like to read a story that isn’t completely in emoticons, Ebonics, or some other ‘hip’ slang used by young adults and poorly educated individuals. One should not write as one speaks. These are instances where that is acceptable for text or chatting online only. ENGLISH PLEASE. (Or whatever language you speak, in it’s proper form)

4) I always thought I’d write a book after I retire, once I have some time to kill.

…And then one day you are hit by a bus and become a vegetable. It’s horrible, but the point is there. You may not live to retirement. Also, if you look at writing as ‘only’ a hobby, that’s fine but then you could start here and there, now. Why put off what you can do today for tomorrow if it really interests you?

5) Wait a second, creative writing degrees are a real thing?

If that is abnormal to you, then are these normal? There’s actually a school of wizardry. Hogwarts? Where do I sign up!? Apparently anything can become a scam-I mean college course to major or minor in. Honestly I didn’t realize there was a sex school. Mkaaay.

6) Have you been published yet?

As nice as that would be, that isn’t always our goal. However, if our goal is to make sure we get to share our story with people, there are other ways such as self publishing or pitching it as a screenplay. Personally I still want to do that when our RP is over, but there probably will be too many legal hoops to jump through, even though I got the other author’s o.k. in writing. 

7) Can I be a character in one of your stories?

Famous last words. That isn’t something you really should ask because you most likely won’t like it. Especially if we don’t like you, we may just express it as a brutal and agonizing, in-scene death. Or as one fellow writer wrote in the RP, “she might just stab you. Or light you on fire. Or poison you. Or tie you up in a tree upside down covered in honey for the bears.” -Mageria, taken from Shadows of the Forgotten


8) So I have this great idea I think you should be using in your book.

Bitch, please. Go write your own damn story. That is how I feel towards some, but then there are people who you talk with in regards to your story and may help you brainstorm, especially if you are feeling stuck. That’s not such a bad thing, but unless you are writing it with the person, it’s best not to start a conversation that way. We get defensive of our ‘babies.’

9) Aren’t writers just professional liars? They tell stories for a living after all/

I have not actually come across this before and I find it odd to be on this list. However I was a good liar as a child and became an expert at getting away with just about anything. But, hey, that is only because people were convinced I was lying all the time when I wasn’t so when I was actually, they believed I was telling the truth. Oh the drama of middle school/high school. Boo, hiss.

10) You’re writing a book? Tell me everything!

Two hours later you either have a doe-eyed fan demanding pages (like my friend Dori who asks me every time I see her, “Where are my pages!”) or they are praying for you to stop going on about your main character like it is your best friend. Isn’t that how we talk about our babies though; as if they are real life entities? Do we not get excited when they live or succeed and cry when they are hurt? Do we not hear them talking in our minds, their voices becoming to loud that we have to drop everything and get it down on paper before we forget? They have little personalities all their own that once they come into existence, all bets are off. They are not in our control per se, as many would like to believe. We can’t just NOT kill a character because it would depress us, unless it fits the story. If someone gets cut in half, there’s no coming back from that. (well I guess depends on the setting and rules. but most of the time there’s no coming back damn it) Just make sure there’s a body, right? 

xxoo ME

A Peek Into Normalcy…

I keep staring at the world ‘Normalcy’ and think that my brain may be starting to make up words but nope; it’s a real word. Thank god. Anywho…

Admit it. You have done this at some point of your life. Some of you may even have had accomplices who dragged you around in it as if it were a vehicle. I’m not just talking as a kid either…I’m talking.. more like, last week or when you and your friends couldn’t get high and were so bored you reverted to silliness that made people still question whether you were on drugs or not. Those moments are always the best, aren’t they? ^.^

I just recently came back from a Walmart adventure for the sole purpose of getting storage bins where I could fit inside of them. Well, that wasn’t the only reason. I had to organize the EVIL corner of my living room that was scattered with my wood burning crafts. Who would have thought there would still be an actual table beneath all that shit. O.O

Am I the only one though who gets excited at the idea of purchasing an overly large bin that is big enough to house a human body in acid? Breaking Bad anyone? If you don’t know the reference at the very least, if not the show, then crawl out from under that rock and smash it with a hammer so you don’t disappear back under it EVER AGAIN. I need to finish watching that show now…Laterz.

This is why you don’t use a bathtub and a plastic bin instead. Basic chemistry…

Addicted To Cuteness


My name is Sarah and I am addicted to cuteness. *sigh* I may need an intervention. See puppies below.

No, I don’t get this mysterious urge to drink. Maybe it was poor advertising and yet a stroke of genius at the same time. I just want another puppy now, but I’m not allowed. Even if I say it’s for Buddie, my Lab. >.> He needs a puppy damn it! Point being I must have watched these videos dozens of times, at least.

Got cuteness?

This one makes me happy and depressed all at the same time. *huggles her Buddie*

Buddie the SnowDog

Buddie the SnowDog

Way to be Chevy. I secretly hate you now just a bit because you are brainwashing me with beautiful cuteness. This has depth and meaning beyond a simple car commercial. Damn them! Least it’s not clowns. >.> Right Camila?

Countering with more cuteness! Budweiser strikes again!

I don’t know about you, but I was cheering for the dog when the owner came back. <.<

Alright, who taught the dogs to drive? How responsible is that Suburu?!

*SQUEE!* OK. I get it. @.@

 Waaait a minute. All golden retrievers! What is this discrimination?! Well, I can’t really complain, my first furry friend was Sasha and then Samantha both Goldens. xxoo

*Edit* Wait! There are two labs! I stand corrected. 

10 Minute Self-Assessment

My turn! Ten minutes goes by fast… >.> As Bird did in the exercise, I will write whatever comes to mind for ten minutes. And Go!

{Does the sound of rainfall give you chills or cause you to perspire? Knowing rain can come at most temperatures, in liquid form in particular, doesn’t change the fact I associate it with decreasing my internal core. Starting from my spine, rolling off my shoulders, ripples fluctuate over the top of my head as if trying to escape and transform into something else. My favorite is when that feeling can be visualized as steam rising off of my hair, the air around me dropping significantly in temperature, arriving almost in unison with the raindrops. Sometimes just before the first icey drops send goosebumps down my arms, several long strands of my hair will start to rise from the static, claps of thunder igniting my wonder and slight insanity that I’m out in a thunderstorm, happily ready to experience lightning first hand. Luckily I am still left wanting, but nevertheless my appreciation for nature’s show does not decrease with time. The sound of rain is accompanied by the echoes off the rooftops, the smell of moisture heavy in the air even before it hits the pavement, giving the illusion to me that rain has a smell. Still, even in the heat, I tremble in shivers, my first thought to make a cup of cocoa or tea and sit by a wood fire. My favorite perfume is from the grey smoke encompassing me in a sweet blanket of musks, depending on the type of wood that is converted to ash. Ever create pictures on your jeans with the remanence of fire? Soot and ash turned into a charcoal fantasy that can be easily wiped away by a breeze or a few drops of nature’s tears.}

Blackbird's Nest

I did something right now that I never do. Well, not never, I’ve done it, but not in a very long time. When I saw the free write prompt, I immediately pushed past the urge to do it; because I don’t like to write with restrictions, be it of time or word count… I’ve done it, but I don’t like it. Hours passed and the urge came back. So I said ‘fuck it’, set a timer, tried to shut off my brain and just write whatever for ten minutes. So, yaaay, here’s some random:

I am never completely sure of anything. I’m only about 90% sure that I’m real, that my fingers can feel the keys, that my eyes can see the letters forming on the screen before me as I type. I’m only about 80% sure of my own humanity and only about 10% sure that I even…

View original post 195 more words

Let’s Play a Game…

So we all know how something cute and seemingly innocent can be what we think we’ll find when searching for a  particular topic or item. Somehow, Google Images throws in a curve ball every once in a while, yes? Well…I did this a little bit ago; like perhaps a week or less. Someone on Facebook had a cute snow leopard posted for some reason I can’t recall. I fell in love with it so much that I searched the term. I know that getting lost in Google Images sometimes…just happens, but I must say I did not get a stray result from my search preferences. This:

….This is one of my favorites that stood out, as well as:

…I don’t care if stuff is not ALL real and was photo shopped or altered in some manner. It’s art and it’s life and it’s…beautiful. Too many times that is under appreciated. Anywho..

As a silly game, because I truthfully may have been a tad bit bored…(kind of a risky game >.>), I asked a friend randomly, out of the blue after some silence…“Name the first thing that comes to your head.” Love it how they answer THEN ask questions. ^.^ So I Google, Chocolate. Surprisingly, I only found one or two slightly disturbing things. I warned you.

Hey, I think this is pretty, freaking, sweet. Artsy, maybe slightly creepy, maybe slightly thrilling, or perhaps all of the above. Definitely makes me think of an invisible person; Jakey, being revealed. *coughs coughs* At Shadows Of The Forgotten at >.>

There’s the expected scandalous or risque photos.

And the naked woman drenched in chocolate..doesn’t really need to be posted.

Ok, this one I found…DEFINITELY CREEPY.

o.o You were warned.

Yes, you saw that right. Chocolate Baby Heads. WHY? So..maybe I just never sat down and thought about eating a fetus or a small child. Aren’t chocolate bunnies, enough? The horror! I am curious to know if there are chocolate brains. It’s the inner zombie…I’m sorry. <.< Yes I’m a Walking Dead fanatic. Anywho. Google Images should have a warning label. *smiles* Maybe that’s what child codes and passwords/settings are in least by those who pay attention. *nods*


Sweet Dreams and Happy Easter…soon…ish.

Who remembers this guy?  ^.^ Whoa..