Divorce

I don’t hate you…
I just hate they way you gave up on us and the way you gave up on yourself.
I hate how I was ignored and underappreciated and how even now, it really is no different except I don’t live with you.
I hate that you need to be intoxicated to feel or express yourself.

I hate that you’re a zombie.
I hate that you clearly saw the effect you had over me; the toxicity claiming me and did nothing.
I hate that my soul had died, and I felt like I was withering away and you still did nothing.
I hate that you lied to me and yourself.
I hate that I wasn’t enough.
I hate the fact I am broken because of you and I have to relearn how to live.

I hate the fact that there wasn’t even another woman involved because then at least I could have understood.
I hate how worthless I felt with you.
I hate how now friends and family are fading from my life because I chose to leave you to better myself.
I hate that in choosing to live, everything around me dies.
I hate the fact I don’t miss you anymore but resent you.

I don’t hate you…I just hate the piece of me you destroyed and I can never get back.

Advertisements

This Never Gets Old…

This has been viral around the net for some time now, but each time someone posts it on Facebook or it pops up somewhere random, I ALWAYS listen. We need more moments like these in this world. Through writing, music, or even silence, more people need to focus on the beauty of life and not drown in the negativity. 

Peace.

~Sarah~

Eyes Are The Doorway To The Soul..,

Good Morning Beautiful People, If Only Our Eyes Saw  Souls  Instead Of  Bodies  How Very Different Our Ideals Of Beauty Would Be.  ~ Unknown    #Goodmorning #LovingLife #Lifequotes #Motivation #Inspiration

 

I love this and all things relating to this topic. I base a lot of my writing around expressions of the eyes, what is hidden behind their meaning, and perhaps even catching glimpses of someone’s soul. For those of you who have read any of the Lukey/Ess scenes posted here, I’m sure examples of this are there. I firmly believe in looking past the surface, diving into the rocky depths below to the bottom of someone’s heart or the back of their mind, to find what is hidden from the rest of the world; or at least those who don’t know where to look.

Addicted To Cuteness

Hello,

My name is Sarah and I am addicted to cuteness. *sigh* I may need an intervention. See puppies below.

No, I don’t get this mysterious urge to drink. Maybe it was poor advertising and yet a stroke of genius at the same time. I just want another puppy now, but I’m not allowed. Even if I say it’s for Buddie, my Lab. >.> He needs a puppy damn it! Point being I must have watched these videos dozens of times, at least.

Got cuteness?

This one makes me happy and depressed all at the same time. *huggles her Buddie*

Buddie the SnowDog

Buddie the SnowDog

Way to be Chevy. I secretly hate you now just a bit because you are brainwashing me with beautiful cuteness. This has depth and meaning beyond a simple car commercial. Damn them! Least it’s not clowns. >.> Right Camila?

Countering with more cuteness! Budweiser strikes again!

I don’t know about you, but I was cheering for the dog when the owner came back. <.<

Alright, who taught the dogs to drive? How responsible is that Suburu?!

*SQUEE!* OK. I get it. @.@

 Waaait a minute. All golden retrievers! What is this discrimination?! Well, I can’t really complain, my first furry friend was Sasha and then Samantha both Goldens. xxoo

*Edit* Wait! There are two labs! I stand corrected. 

Love Or Fear

My soul is not contained within the limits of my body, my body is contained within the limitlessness of my soul.

I found this youtube feed from a link to Alan Watts. Those of you not familiar with him, essentially he gives philosophical and emotional speeches to inspire, motivate, and get the mind working. The page I go to is ‘theJourneyofPurpose.‘ For myself, I love anything that makes me contemplate life from it’s minor simplistic view of reality and illusion to the most intricate moments of our lives. To me, it is awe inspiring and beautiful. It reminds me of that moment when I first saw the night sky not polluted by all the city lights, way up in the woods on a snowy, winter’s night. I wanted to count every star because I felt I had witnessed it all while at the same time feeling so small in the scheme of things. The universe can be thought of as infinite and thus limitless just as Mr. Carrey is stating here in comparison with the human soul. Who knew his artistic passions surpassed those ‘smoke and mirrors’ into a real human being. Breathtaking to know real people exist in a world that is so often seen as dark and broken. Life really does come down to the little things we encounter on a day to day  basis because if everyone took a moment to smile at a stranger or give to someone in need; true acts of selflessness, then the whole and unity of our planet would be all for the better. There are no limits except those we implement as a prison within ourselves.

 

 Within each of us, there is a silence, a silence as vast as the universe. And when we experience that silence, we remember who we are. ~Gunilla Norris~

Some of the most meaningful acts between two people can be interpreted through their silence. How many people out there, take the time to look beyond the mask many of us put on for the world? That mask that was slowly molded into existence as a child by our peers and family, even if unintentionally; sometimes it will never come off and sometimes it will shatter. We all judge one another just as much as we judge ourselves, even if we don’t like to admit it, because of how others may have perceived us and thus perceive the world. What is considered beautiful or ugly? Right or wrong? In the end, it all comes down to the notion if we can live another day to look at ourselves in the mirror. Are you happy with what you see or do you cringe and shy away from that reflective glass, dreading your reality? Music does the same thing for me as silence because it gives me moments to myself to reflect without the noise of society breathing down my neck and I firmly believe it is important for everyone to be able to be comfortable with solitude. Moments of peace and chaos.  Those who can not stand it, seem to, at most times, be the ones who are not comfortable with themselves. Which leads us to the next quote..

 

There is no reality except the one contained within us.. ~Hermann Hesse~

 

Love Or Fear? Timeless question to which many debate between the matter that we have a choice or that we don’t. I think it goes both ways. Upon my back I have a rose aflame, tattooed with those words, “Love or Fear.” It is a huge part of me and I feel a huge part of humanity. What drives us if not stemming from those two major factors? Do we choose to proceed with the cards we have been dealt; to play or to fold? To grow or to burn? Is it all in our minds what we love or fear or are some things simply out of our control when it comes to emotions? It is no easy feat to take hold of our spirit and rein it in so that our minds can be at peace with our hearts. Perhaps therein lies the problem and maybe we should just let our souls run free.

What is holding me back in pursuing my dreams? Money, time? What is holding you back? If we are honest with ourselves, it is us drowning ourselves in that sea of doubt and giving birth to excuses. We are all guilty of this, myself included. It is no easy feat, but perhaps it isn’t the end result that is most important, but the journey itself. Prioritize, reflect, focus and yet let your mind go and be open to the beautiful possibilities this world is capable of. Have faith in yourselves, embrace your fears (which may never disappear), and choose love.